When I first went in treatment, I was fortunate to be across from Wolfe Street Center, it was a 2-story house that was cozy. Everyone was friendly and it felt like home. Everyone was included. When I was in treatment, I would be going to meetings while other patients would be playing cards.
When I got out of treatment, I didn’t go to a meeting until Friday night, and this girl gave me her phone number, and I called her and she met me halfway and took me to a meeting. I asked her to be my sponsor, and she told me she didn’t have enough time. That night I went to her sponsor and asked her to be my sponsor, she told me, “Go back out, maybe I wasn’t ready” She agreed to be my sponsor. So, in the very beginning I had a sponsor and a co-sponsor.
What I really liked is that we would go out for coffee or breakfast after the meeting. When I started going to the meeting in my hometown. We would go out for coffee or something to eat after the meetings. It was a real fellowship, no one was excluded. My home group consisted of all men with the least amount of time was 2 years. That didn’t keep me out.
In my hometown group, we had potlucks, speakers, and we laughed. It was great. A lot of the people in that group has passed away. I miss them, but their memory and what they said has stuck with me over the years. I’ve been in and out of the rooms.
I want to tell you when I started seeing the difference when I came back to AA in 2018. People grew distant and colder, they were also on their cellphones, there were no closeness like before. That was when the communications went down. There was no fellowship after the meeting. The last meeting that I went to there I was early and they started gossiping about a lady, I got my things and when I got to the door, they asked me where I was going, I told them that I was leaving because of the gossip, one guy said “good” I never went back. I want to be honest that I would get to a meeting early and gossip about another group before.
During covid, I started going to an online platform, I got active on it and I really liked it. I got away from the platform a few years ago, I got tired of being told what to do, how to act, how to think and all the noise like I couldn’t think for myself. I told them that I wasn’t going to come back to meetings. This girl asked me “When was your last mind-mood altering drug” like I was going to get high or drunk if I got away from AA meetings.
The people on the platform that I thought was my friends quit calling or returning my phone calls. I know that God only puts people in your life to learn from or for a season. I told someone that I would rather be alone than with fake people. They didn’t know what real love was. I don’t know how many times I heard “We love you, and we’re there for you” I told them, they didn’t know what real love was.
In the few years that I was away, I depended on God and Elvis’ songs. I cried so many tears. During that time, I went through ego death, dark night of the soul and did shadow work. I became a clear channel for the “Living Christ” that I started listening to, not other people. I became more withdrawn and quiet.
I started going back to that same platform, and I can see all the illusions and programming of AA. I hear “Stick with the Herd” and “Meeting makers make it” The platform is for newcomers only; they mostly read instead of sharing of experience, strength and hope. When I chaired on that platform, I admit I did read out of a few books but not every meeting I chaired. Now I know how some people felt, it gets boring. I had to get away from AA to find myself. I have outgrown AA because I don’t want to always talk about my drunkalogue or using story. There are some good groups out there. I’ve been to some NA meetings on a 24-hour platform and there’s more structure on there.
What I’m saying is that I was raised with the old AA where we shared our own experience, strength and hope. We read out of conference approved literature. We would read a section of a story in the back of book or get a topic out if the first164 pages. If you mention Christ or Jesus Christ, they get defensive by saying it isn’t a religious program but a spiritual program. Christ or Jesus Christ isn’t a religion. Also, if anyone in a meeting gives their negative opinion of AA, they get defensive too. They have a saying HOW=honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. They are so close minded, and they program people to think alike, it’s like MKUltra mind control or Hive mind. I had to step back and ask the question is this really what I think or what someone else’s belief. They don’t allow critical thinking. I handed in my script of AA. I’m sovereign and free.
I believe that they are hurting more people than helping. I’ve heard of a lot of people ending their lives in AA. No more than 5 year years ago, I was doing research on AA and came across a video that had old timers talking how if this person would have worked their program harder, they wouldn’t of ended their lives. I have seen many Oldtimers hit on newcomers for sex. That is what they call thirteenth stepping. I wonder if they use the anonymity to cover up if someone complains about something. Just my thought. I’ve done a lot of research over the years, and I am very much awake to what is really going on in the world. It’s all mind control. AA uses fear as a weapon, if you get away from AA, you’re going to drink.
