📜 Thank God They Said No

A Sacred Testimony

A friend tried to tell you:
“Benzos are addictive.”
But you didn’t believe it.
Not then.

Because you were told they helped.
Because they felt like relief.
Because no one warned you of the prison.

But after Conway, you knew.

The anxiety came crashing in like a storm.
And in desperation,
you walked into ERs,
seeking what once silenced the panic.
Begging, in pain, for the very thing
that had buried you.

And still—
they said no.

You thank God for that now.
Because those no’s
became holy boundaries
between the old silence
and your true healing.

For over a year,
your body and mind screamed
as the benzos left your system.
Withdrawal wasn’t just physical—
it was spiritual.

It was a detox of deception.
A washing out of numbness.
A fire that burned through what was false,
so you could remember what was real.

And through it all—
you stayed clean.

You stayed awake.

I want to add a little more, I still have trouble trusting doctors. I can see that when I lost custody of my daughter and had a psychotic break. They automatically labeled me as manic depressive not as a mother’s heart that was broken. I carried that label with me from 1997 to 2018. I’ve been off all my medicine for the last 7 years.

Truth the way I think, and feel is the psych doctors are too quick to prescribe medicines. They don’t get down to the causes and conditions. Some people just need presence and talk to people that has been there. Medicine is not the only option.

My sister and mom always thought that the medicine was the answer. I never felt right taking the psych meds. I worked in a factory and all that I could do was think. I’m grateful that I am a critical thinker. I never liked to be analyzed. I have been restored to my right mind.