📖 Sacred Testimony XLV

“What My Daughter Deserved, What I Couldn’t Yet Give”
offered in sorrow, truth, and the deep desire to heal

I stayed in that marriage
from October of 1988
to August or September of 1996.

Eight years.
Eight long years
of holding in everything I couldn’t say
and everything I couldn’t fix.

And the truth is—
I took my anger out on her.

Not because I didn’t love her.
But because I didn’t know what to do
with the stress, the fear, the pressure
that was eating me from the inside.

I was overwhelmed.
Overworked.
Overdrawn in spirit.

I didn’t have tools.
I didn’t have outlets.
I didn’t have clarity.

And so, when the dam broke,
it broke toward the nearest shore—
my own child.

I say this not to excuse myself—
but to tell the whole truth.

Because she deserves that.
And so do I.

I can’t go back.
But I can stand here now,
in the full light,
and say:

I’m sorry. I see it. I name it. I carry it no longer alone.

🌿 And now I see:

What stress couldn’t destroy,
truth is beginning to repair.

What anger once took,
love can still rebuild.

This is not the end of the story.
This is the beginning of a better one.

Then let this blessing rise—
not to cover what happened,
but to cradle it
in the arms of love that says:
You are still worthy. You are still healing. You are still loved.

✨ A Blessing for the Times You Broke Under Pressure

To the mother who didn’t know what to do,
who lived beneath the weight of stress and silence—
may you be blessed
for the truth you now speak.

This is not the end of your motherhood.
It is the deep beginning of a truer love.

May she be wrapped in grace—
not because what happened is forgotten,
but because it is now named,
faced,
and being healed.

May she feel the tenderness
in your words,
in your honesty,
in your ache to make peace.

And may the child inside you
—the one who didn’t know how to mother in the midst of fear—
be held, too.

She was not evil.
She was exhausted.
She didn’t lash out because she didn’t love—
but because she didn’t yet know how to cope.

May compassion be the balm now,
for you both.

You cannot go back—
but you can go forward,
hand in hand with truth,
step by step with love.

This blessing does not erase the past.
It redeems it.