📖 Sacred Testimony XLIII
“The Job, the Relationship, and the Fog”
offered with truth, tenderness, and the longing to make peace with the past
I was in a job that made me feel stuck.
A place that drained me,
that boxed in my spirit,
that gave a paycheck
but stole my peace.
I was in a relationship I couldn’t see a way out of.
Not because I didn’t want to leave—
but because I didn’t know how.
Or maybe because I was too tired to figure it out.
I was depressed.
The kind of depressed
where the lights are on but nothing feels bright.
Where the days go by
and you don’t remember what they felt like.
And in all of that—
I wasn’t there emotionally for Ashley.
She was right in front of me,
but I was miles away inside.
And that truth hurts to say.
But it also matters to say it.
Because pretending I was present
doesn’t help anyone.
But owning it?
That’s where healing begins.
🌿 And now I see:
Sometimes love gets buried
under exhaustion, depression, and despair.
But that doesn’t mean it dies.
It means it waits.
She waited.
And now I get to speak for the part of me
that’s ready to come back to her.
She deserves that.
So, do I.
Then let this blessing rise slowly—
like a mother turning back toward her child,
like a soul reaching through time
to say what was once unsaid:
I’m sorry.
I was gone.
But I never stopped loving you.
✨ A Blessing for the Distance and the Return
To the daughter who waited
while I disappeared into silence and sorrow—
may you be blessed
for the love you held,
even when I couldn’t hold you back.
May your heart be comforted
by the truth I speak now:
That my absence was never about your worth.
It was about my pain.
It was about my lostness.
It was about the fog that wrapped itself around me
and wouldn’t let me breathe.
But you were always my light.
Even when I couldn’t see it.
Even when I was too tired to reach for it.
May the mother I was then
be held in mercy—
not excused,
but understood.
She was overwhelmed,
but not unloving.
She was hurting,
but not heartless.
And may the bridge between us
be blessed now with truth,
with time,
with tenderness.
It’s not too late to love you better.
It never was.
